Brazil Nut Pesto

I love pesto.

I also love nuts. In all forms.

I know what you’re thinking… is she going to give us a pesto recipe using different nuts?!

What do you mean you were thinking of something else?

Well, here’s the thing. Pine nuts are pricey. Brazil nuts you can find in any random bag of shelled nuts, generally, and I have a container of unshelled brazil nuts from a local grocery store–ran roughly $5.

I’m a big “Brazil nutter,” or just nuts. I’ve read it has the highest content of selenium of any nut, and selenium has been linked to a variety of benefits, including lowered LDL, heightened HDL, and prevention of cancers, coronary heart disease, and more.

Plus they taste good.

Ingredients

• 1/3 cup Brazil nuts (I used unsalted, already shelled. Shelled keep fresher longer, fyi)
• 2/3 cup pomace/plive oil
• 1-2 cups fresh basil
• 3 cloves garlic
• Salt/salt alternative to taste
• Pepper to taste

Instructions

• Put everything in a food processor.
• Grind until it’s easy to blend… then blend.
• Blend (I already said that).

Pretty easy, right? Pesto is fucking easy–that should tell you why it’s expensive when bought pre-made. It’s those goddamn pine nuts.

This literally tasted no different than the kind with pine nuts.

I served this over more egg noodles, with diced tomatoes and a bit of Parmesan cheese.

Easy Broccoli Tetrazzini

Okay, not to embarrass my Italian roots… I know this isn’t quite tetrazzini. I would called it “Adlibbed Tetrazzini,” similar to my “Adlibbed Venison” from last week, but broccoli in the title seemed more appealing.

I also think many people like the word “easy,” particularly men in a bar setting.

Tetrazinni is technically a baked pasta dish–it varies, but often includes a type of meat (usually chicken), mushrooms, a cream/Parmesan based sauce, and some type of “topping”: usually breadcrumbs, cheese, etc. Clearly, this is an Italian-American dish. I know nuts are generally included in this dish, but for the sake of all those nut-allergy people, I left it out (also, I grew up on tetrazzini in a house where none of my siblings liked nuts, so my mother never made it with nuts. She also generally used Hamburger Helper… for shame).

So, since it was cold yesterday (Winter is coming…), I decided to try and make a tetrazinni using what we had.

I also pan-seared some white eggplant in olive oil to round out the Dago-ness of this meal (I don’t know what it means when I come from a Southern Italian family that I crave Italian whenever it’s cold).

Ingredients

• One eggplant (white or purple)
• 2 1/2 cups of DRY pasta (always measure/weigh pasta before cooking)
• 3 cloves of garlic, diced
• 1-2 cups of Parmesan cheese (depending on your preference, increase or decrease the amount)
• 1/2 cup breadcrumbs (I used Panko because I could eat that shit on anything)
• Olive/Pomace oil for cooking
• 2-3 cups broccoli (I used frozen that I boiled in the same pot as the pasta once it was removed)
• 1-to 1/2 cups milk (I used unsweetened flax milk)
• Salt/salt alternative (to taste)
• Pepper (to taste)
• Oregano (to taste)
• Basil (to taste)

Preparation

• Slice eggplant and put in a bowl with salt OR salt alternative. This will leech out some of the water for a crisper edged eggplant.
• Boil 2 1/2 cups of pasta (I used egg noodles because that’s all we had).
• Boil broccoli (you can always use the same pot to save time/room/energy/omgsomanyslashes) after pasta is done.
• Preheat oven to 450 (Fahrenheit, because I live in “WHAT’S CELSIUS OR KELVIN?” America).

Eggplants Instructions

• Put a little olive/pomace oil in pan on medium/high heat (6 or 7).
• Cook eggplant on pan, turning over occasionally.
• Eggplant should be slightly transparent and slightly soft.
• Take off, sprinkle with pepper and salt/salt alternative.

Tetrazzini Instructions

• Boil pasta and broccoli as mentioned in prep. If you need instructions on how to do this, I recommend you leave the internet OR look at the bag on pasta.
• Sorry, that was mean. You can stay on the internet. There’s this thing called YouTube.
• In a 9×12 baking dish, or really any oven-safe container, put cooked pasta and broccoli. (I did not put butter, oil, Pam, lube, or anything in the dish, and everything came out fine. I was also using a glass dish, so make of that what you will).
• Add milk, half to 2/3 of the total amount of cheese you’re deciding to add (I put in about a cup and a half, because I ******* love cheese), salt/salt alternative to taste, pepper to taste, oregano to taste, and basil to taste. I used dried oregano and basil because I didn’t feel like walking out to the garden. IT WAS COLD.
• In the same saucepan you used for the eggplant (I’m all about efficiency/laziness), put a little bit of oil on medium/high heat (7 or 8) and cook garlic until it’s crisp/golden brown.
• Put garlic in pasta.
• Mix everything together in dish.
• Sprinkle panko and remaining cheese over top of dish.
• Drizzle a little bit of olive/pomace oil over the top.
• Bake pasta for 45 minutes.

EAT.

Now, obviously mushrooms could easily be included in this dish. That was actually the original plan until I smelled my mushrooms and they seemed wonky.

Based on my exact measurements and ingredients (including the flax milk, which I recommend), this makes four big servings with the following nutritional information per serving: 384 Calories, 29g of Carbs, 22g of Fat, 24g of Protein, 2g of Fiber, and 742mg of Sodium.

Sodium and fat are primarily from the cheese, so this could be changed if you decide to alter your cheese to a dairy-free or lower-sodium option.

I consider this recipe Vegetarian because no meat, and the only dairy product is the Parmesan cheese which could be substituted, of course, with a vegan cheese.

If you want to do it up, hit-em up style (what?), you can use a fuller fat milk for creaminess. This dish was less creamy than usual, but the flavors were so on point I didn’t actually miss the creaminess.

Shrimp and Quinoa Burritos

In a typical, “Are these still good? Well I have to clean out the freezer” move, I pulled out a bag of frozen/pre-cooked shrimp Red Beard’s mom had given us… maybe two years ago? I might be generous and say one.

Well, it’s frozen, right?!

I decided to try and make Shrimp Tacos. I also thought, “Man, I love Mexican-American (I say this because, as an Italian-American, I know how unauthentic the food generally viewed as ethnic is in the US). I REALLY love Spanish Rice.”

So, I experimented, and made “Mexican Quinoa Rice.”

It literally tastes EXACTLY like the real thing, didn’t take much effort, and is lower in carbs, higher in protein, and better on the glycemic index.

I also whipped up a quick salsa/salsa topping.

Got lazy. Put it altogether.

Overall, not too shitty.

Ingredients

• Frozen shrimp (fresh would obviously taste better). I’m not going to put an amount on the shrimp–my amount changed when I accidentally dropped a whole bunch on the floor…
• 3/4 Cup Quinoa
• 4 small tomatoes, diced (two for salsa, two for quinoa)
• Olive or Pomace Oil
• One Jalapeno, diced
• Two cloves or Garlic, diced
• 1 to 2 tsp Cinnamon
• 1 to 2 tsp Spanish Paprika
• 1 to 2 tsp Garlic Powder
• 1 to 2 tsp Chili Powder
• Salt/Salt alternative (to taste)
• Pepper (to taste)
• 1/4 cup sliced onion OR 3 to 4 tsp Onion Powder
• Water
• Your choice tortilla (I used whole wheat)
• Slice of lemon
• Slice(s) of lime

Prep

• Fill ziploc bag with roughly 1/4 cup Olive or Pomace Oil, Cinnamon, Paprika, Garlic Powder, Chili Powder, Pepper, Salt/Salt Alternative, and shrimp. Let marinate 3-4 hours (if frozen, let marinate in fridge and/or kitchen counter).
• Dice tomatoes, garlic, and jalapeno. Keep separate.

Salsa Instructions

• Combine two diced tomatoes, diced jalapeno, salt/salt alternative, pepper, and 2 to 3 tsp olive oil.
• Mix and let sit.

Shrimp Instructions

• Put 1 to 2 tsp olive oil in medium/large size pan on stove at medium/high heat (maybe like… 7).
• Cook shrimp in pain for 5-10 minutes, or until shrimp are soft.

Spanish Rice Instructions

• Put 1 to 2 tsp olive oil, chopped garlic cloves, onion or onion powder and DRY/UNCOOKED quinoa in large sauce pan on high heat (8).
• Cook quinoa until oil is absorbed and quinoa is crisp/dark brown. The trick is literally until it’s almost burnt.
• Then, add 1 1/2 cups water, the remaining diced tomatoes, salt/salt alternative, and pepper.
• Simmer quinoa mixture for roughly 30 minutes on medium/low heat (4). Quinoa will expand and soak up tomatoes.
• Squeeze slice of lemon over quinoa, then mix.

Instructions

• Place shrimp, quinoa, and salsa in tortilla.
• Squeeze juice of lime over to taste.
• Fold tortilla like a burrito.

EAT AND ENJOY. You can serve with a light margarita, BECAUSE YOU ATE SO HEALTHY.

Mushroom “Chicken” Nuggets

Here is the beauty of this approach to not only cooking, but life.

I found some shit. I threw it together. I found a wonderful chicken nugget substitute.

So Red Beard and I had “Fried Portabella Mushrooms” the other day at Copper Canyon Brewery. I’m a sucker for fried (anything) mushrooms, so they were only made better when they were served with a “cajun sauce.”

So I tried to replicate it… but healthy! Also because I’m afraid of hot oil (girl, don’t go there).

It tasted nothing like I wanted it to… but when I dipped it in ketchup, it tasted like motha-fuckin’ chicken nuggets. No joke. These are quick and easy, too (Just like…)

Mushroom “Chicken” Nuggets (serves 1)

Ingredients

• One portabella mushroom.
• 1/4 cup egg substitute (essentially an egg beater).
• 1/2 cup Panko bread crumbs (I know whole wheat Panko exists, but eff that shit. I’m not frying it so let me have my white starch).
• Salt/salt substitute (to taste).
• Pepper (to taste).
• Smoked paprika (to taste).
• Chili powder (optional, also to taste).

Prep

• Preheat oven to 375.
• “Wash” mushroom (you don’t want to get a mushroom very wet, just lightly scrub off any dirt or residue).
• Line a baking dish of some sort with foil. SPRAY the foil with Pam or cooking spray–this shit sticks like… something that sticks. Idk, your mom. Just keep reading.
• In one small bowl, pour the egg substitute.
• In another small bowl, mix the panko, salt, pepper, paprika, and chili powder.

Instructions

• Slice mushroom into thick pieces.
• Coat mushroom in egg substitute.
• Immediately coat egg-covered mushroom in panko mixture and put on baking apparatus.
• Bake for 15-20 minutes, or until golden brown (my toaster oven is dying, so this could explain the long cook time for me). They should be CRISPY and mostly golden brown when you take them out.

ENJOY. Serve with ketchup! They taste like ~slightly earthy~ chicken nuggets. You could try dipping them in ranch. I tried making a “cajun” sauce that was low-fat mayo based and it tasted like shit, so I’m not even going to write that recipe.

Caloric Content: Roughly 125 calories per serving (one breaded & cooked portabella), 20g carbs, 1g fat, 11g protein, 4g fiber, and 181 mg of sodium (though that may change with added salt).

Note: Depending on the size of your portabella/slices, they may break apart when putting them in the egg mixture. That’s fine–you’ll just have smaller bite sized pieces!

P.S. Here is my spice cabinet. Also, sorry I forgot to take more pictures, I was too busy eating uncooked panko.